The Tale of Bakabakashii
by retrosimplicity
Summary: Kagome is pregnant! Sesshomaru heads east! Will we find out who the father is before it's too late! Caution hilarity shall ensue. Please R and R!
1. The Secret

"No this can't be happening!" Kagome screamed out in horror. The others turned around post haste to see what she was bitching about now.

"What the hell is wrong with you now Kagome?" Inuyasha sneered.

"Shut up! No! Sit!" Kagome screeched at Inuyasha causing his poor demon demeanor to crash into the thick ground foliage of the forest.

"What is it Kagome?" Miroku questioned. Kagome glared at him and shoved him away.

"You wouldn't understand!" she cried.

"Why not?" Miroku asked hurt.

"I need to talk to a woman!" Kagome pleaded. Sango began to step forward when Kagome exclaimed, "Let's go find Hehachi."

"Why? Sango is a woman can't you talk to her about it?" Shippo asked then was beaten by inuyasha for speaking.

"No Sango isn't womanly enough I must go gab with Hehachi or Jaken he might understand!" Kagome pleaded.

"Is this about your bicycle butt pains again?" Inuyasha scoffed.

"Sit! I told you to shut up!" Kagome spat.

"Well seeing how this story could do with a battle of the death. You can go visit Jaken and the rest of us will watch Inuyasha fight Sesshoumaru," Miroku replied.

"I'll beat him this time!" Inuyasha vowed.

"Don't let you anger get the best of you," Sango said wisely. Miroku came up behind her.

"Yeah what she said," Miroku replied. Do I really have to explain what happened next? In the end Miroku walked with a red hand print setting on his cheek Oh Miroku when will you learn!

Later On… 

So the gang took off to the east because it seems Sesshoumaru only wanders around in one direction. Always. Sure enough after 3 episodes of filler the gang came upon Sesshoumaru, his unrequited love partner Jaken, and his fresh piece of tail Rin.

" What the hell are you doing here Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha sneered forgetting the fact that they were looking for him in the first place.

"The animators place me here when they feel like we need to clash. Personally it's all sweet fanny's apple to me," Sesshoumaru replied completely out of character. "Oh I mean ahem… I go where the wind takes me Inuyasha and no mere half demon like you will ever distract me from my destination. Now stand aside you miserable half breed."

"That's no way to talk about you own blood Sesshoumaru," Inuyasha sneered drawing his sword.

"With any luck I will be able to draw that blood today," Sesshoumaru replied with a better comeback.

" Dog fight!" Shippo exclaimed.

" Dog Fight!" Sango followed up.

" Whore Off… I mean Dog fight!" Miroku finished. The two brothers jumped into the air and with that the swords were raised and the whore off began. I mean the dogfight.

Meanwhile… 

As the two brothers duked it out Kagome went to go find Jaken. She found him sitting under the tree drawing up plans for killing Rin so that he may have his monogamy back with Lord Sesshie as he called him.

"Why Kagome this is an unpleasant surprise what the hell are you doing here!" Jaken asked.

"Please Jaken I needed to talk to a woman!" Kagome pleaded. Jaken's eyes lit up with delight.

"And you thought of me! Oh I am so pleased. Come come spill the beans what's going on. Does it involve Inuyasha?" Jaken exclaimed

" Well it might… and I suppose it will eventually," Kagome replied uneasily.

"Eventually? Does it involve Miroku? Kouga?" Jaken asked.

" It could involve all of them. And Hojo for that matter!" Kagome groaned at the thought. Jaken began to wonder what the whole thing could be about…

"Well how it could involve so many boys!" Jaken mused. Kagome turned slightly red and leaned over closer.

"Jaken I haven't had my bicycle pains in six weeks," Kagome whispered. Jaken began jumping up and down in excitement.

" Do you mean? Could it be? Yes! Yes! Are you!" Jaken screamed out.

"Shhh! Yes I am almost certain of it." Kagome replied wearily. "And the worst part is it could be anybody… even Inuyasha!"

"Inuyasha! But he's in a battle of the death! We must stop it immediately!" Jaken finally ceased jumping and tore off to the battlefield with Kagome trying to stop the whole way.

Back at the Battle Field… 

The clashing of the swords could be heard for miles in the forest. The two brothers struck each other numerous times while yelling out lame powers that they had which by the way are rather inconsistent. How can the Wind Scar kill five million demons sometimes and other times can't even break one lousy barrier? Anyway the brothers fought for a while.

Suddenly Sesshoumaru found a weak point and threw Inuyasha to the ground. He directed his sword towards the half demon's throat. Inuyasha dripping with blood dare not claim defeat by looking down.

" Gonna kill me Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha dared.

"That would be the easy thing to do," Sesshoumaru replied. However I will wait five seconds before I slice your throat relieving you of your demon blood. It seems when I wait for the suspense something is added to the story and I must wander off again."

Sure enough after the five seconds Jaken and Kagome running across the field. Both brothers looked while Jaken ran in between the two of them and began to cry to Sesshoumaru.

"Lord Sesshoumaru! You must not kill Inuyasha!" Jaken pleaded.

"Why not?" Sesshoumaru demanded to know. Jaken looked frightened.

" Inuyasha is to be a father Lord Sesshoumaru!" Jaken exclaimed.

" What the hell!"

_**Dramatic Reverb**_


	2. Semezmar Rules

"What the hell are you taking about Jaken?" Inuyasha growled.

"Is this true Inuyasha?" Sesshoumaru questioned hard. Inuyasha looked over at Kagome who stood very still.

"What the hell is this green idiot talking about Kagome?" Inuyasha demanded.

"Inuyasha please!" Kagome pleaded.

"I asked you a question!" Inuyasha began to advance cracking his knuckles.

" Uh uh SIT!" Kagome yelled throwing Inuyasha to the floor. The others ran up to the field to find out why their entertainment had been stopped short. Then out of no where Myoga appeared.

"Myoga? What are you doing here?" Shippo asked.

"The writers throw me in when I am suppose to tell the audience what the hell is going on," Myoga replied. "Inuyasha you must calm down, but yes Jaken is very correct you could indeed be a father."

"But I've never!" Inuyasha jumped turning red in the face. Myoga only shook his head.

" You see Inuyasha the writer of this story found it tasteless and rather risky to suggest that you and Kagome engaged in the horizontal mambo if you will. With good reason too," Myoga explained.

"What reason is that?" Miroku asked.

"Well Inuyasha is a dog and Kagome is a human. It's disgusting when you take it out of context," Myoga replied.

"That still doesn't explain how Kagome got pregnant!" Inuyasha snarled.

"Master Inuyasha please let me finish," Myoga snipped. "The writer instead decided that Semezmar rules are in effect."

"What are Semezmar rules?" Sango asked.

"Damn don't you people know anything?" Myoga groaned. "A Semezmar is a person who brings about feelings of love and desire. This term was first brought forward in the year 2003 when the show Futurama roamed this earth. Too bad the jack asses at fox cancelled while performing a weekend at bernie's with the Simpsons."

" So many pop culture references I don't think the readers will understand!" Shippo exclaimed.

" Quite simply when Kagome is in contact with a Semezmar her skin becomes permable and that persons DNA is transfused with her own." Myoga concluded.

"How do you know if someone is a Semezmar?" Sesshoumaru asked.

" Whenever the contact has taken place Kagome's cheeks become flush as does the area above her nose." Myoga replied.

"So I'm going to be a father?" Inuyasha questioned slowly.

"If that's the case then I must be on my way for no apparent reason," Sesshoumaru replied. Then he, Jaken, and Rin headed East. Again.

" No Inuyasha I said it was quite possible that you could be," Myoga replied.

"Well who else could be Kagome's Semezmar?" Inuyasha asked.


	3. Kagome's Could Be Semezmar

The gang sat in silence that night all pondering who exactly could be Kagome's semezmar. Kagome kept staring at Inuyasha trying to gauge his reaction to the news. It didn't seem to be the fact that he could be father that troubled Inuyasha. It was the fact that it could be someone else who was Kagome's semezmar.

"So who is it Kagome?" Inuyasha asked. Kagome jumped at the sound of his voice. Had he been aware she was staring at him?

"Yes Kagome I think we would all like to know who could be the father?" Miroku asked. Inuyasha snapped his neck back.

"I don't care who the father is… I want to know who her semezmar is!" Inuyasha growled. Everyone looked up at him.

"Why would you care Inuyasha?" Shippo asked. Then Inuyasha made that noise anime characters make when they are a taken back.

"I don't… really… I mean… BLAH!" Inuyasha panicked and ran off for no apparent reason other than to make the author laugh at the fact that Inuyasha would run away.

"And now for something completely different," Miroku replied. "So tell us Kagome who do you think the father is?"

"Well it could be any number of people… Inuyasha, Koga, Hojo, and well even you Miroku…" Kagome answered sheepishly.

"Me!" Miroku exclaimed. Sango glared at him and Kagome looked down.

"Well you know how your always you know caressing my ahem posterior!" Kagome exclaimed. "Remember about 3 weeks ago down by the river…" At this point the edges of the world became all blurry to clue the rest of us in to the fact that the gang was experiencing a flash back.

"Why hello Kagome how are you this fine morning?"

"Hello Miroku I'm doing very well thanks for asking." At this point Miroku slides up behind Kagome in his sneaky lecherous way.

"You know Kagome even if I marry Sango I wouldn't mind if you bared a few of my children"

" Oh Miroku that's uh very kind…" and right here Kagome turns red and the edges of the world unblur. Sango stared at Miroku with anger marks above her brow.

"So if we get married huh?" Sango seethed.

"Well heh heh it could still happen Sango, I have many more children that need to be bared," Miroku replied with a grin. You know what happens next though. Come on say it with me. Oh Miroku will you ever learn!

" Well hold on Sango, Kagome said it could be Miroku not that is was," Shippo replied.

"Shippo's right. No offense Miroku but you don't really make me feel love and desire," Kagome said.

" But you blushed Kagome, he transfused his DNA with yours," Sango replied gloomily.

" But he wasn't the only one was he Kagome?" Shippo asked.

" Well… no there was one time with Koga…" Kagome began but before she could complete the flashback Inuyasha leaped from a tree.

" You mean that filthy wolf demon could be your semezmar!" Inuyasha growled.

"Inuyasha! Where did you come from?" Kagome exclaimed.

"Well not the same tainted blood line your child will come from if you were knocked up by that bastard Koga," Inuyasha sneered. Then Kagome made him sit because she's just bitchy like that.

" Kagome said that it could be," Shippo replied.

" It could also be Miroku," Sango spat. Inuyasha's eyebrow twitched as he began to crack his knuckles.

"Miroku? How?" Inuyasha seethed.

"She already told us that just sit tight and listen to how it could be Koga," Shippo said sharply.

"Well there was that time a month ago when we were fighting Wolverine Demons with that liger demon and Koga came to assist…" Kagome began.

" You mean when he came to mess things up more!" Inuyasha interrupted. Never the less the world went blurry again.

"Thank you for all your help Koga!"

"It was nothing Kagome I would do anything for the woman I love,"

"Does that include causing more trouble than you're worth you filthy wolf?"

"SIT Inuyasha!"

"Well see you around Kagome" Then Koga traced Kagome's cheek with his filthy wolf hand and her slutty self blushed, and then the world went back to normal.

" Do you really think it could be Koga?" Shippo asked.

"I'm not sure it would that bad of a thing," Kagome replied.

"It would an awful thing," Inuyasha mumbled.

"What did you say Inuyasha?" Miroku asked.

"Uhhh I said ramen these days ain't the same," Inuyasha burbled out.

" So who else did you say it could be," Sango asked.

" Well it could be Hojo but that's hardly worth the flashback…" Kagome joked.

"What about Inuyasha?" Shippo asked. Inuyasha jumped up and smacked Shippo in the head.

"Why would I bring about feelings of love and desire in Kagome you little twerp!" Inuyasha yelled.

"Oh it definitely could not be Inuyasha," Kagome scoffed.

"What! Why can't it be me?" Inuyasha yelped.

"Huh didn't you just say it couldn't?" Shippo asked but then was hit again. "Wahhh I'm going to cry by myself!"

"Well it's getting late and we have a full day of wandering aimlessly for filler tomorrow so let's get some sleep," Miroku replied As everyone got up to leave Inuyasha grabbed Miroku and threw him against a tree, and looked around to make sure they were alone.

"You listen up and listen up good you lecherous bastard. If I find out that you are Kagome's semezmar I will rip your heart out thru that hole in your hand! Kagome and I have a great thing going. Our hatred during the shows but brief periods of intimate contact and hugs and kisses in the movies that makes all our female fans squeal with girlish delight is not about to be ruined by some lust driven prat! Do I make myself clear?"

"As crystal." Miroku gulped and walked off slowly. At that moment a shooting star passed. And Inuyasha silently wished that he could be Kagome's semezmar.


End file.
